The Week Before Finals

For many of you, finals might be over or you might be in the middle of cramming for your next one.  I am thankfully done with my third semester and now biting my nails in nervousness of final course grades being posted.  Also, as many of you, I went through that week before finals of procrastinating, bull shitting, and just going through numerous Buzz Feed posts just to take studying off of my mind.  That week usually begins with putting off work, putting off more work, then finally coming to the conclusion that you should just find jobs that don’t require a degree.  Here is the week you will encounter before finals.

Monday

Alright, I have a week to study for finals.  That’s more than enough right?  I’ll just spend this day putting a plan together for how long I should study for each class.  I’ll make study guides and just go read them over and over, and notecards!  Awesome, I am gonna be so set!  Ok, this doesn’t seem like much work making the plans…I’ll just get up early tomorrow and make the plans and start studying tomorrow.  I mean, I have a week; that’s 168 hours of studying time for 5 finals that are 2 hours long at most.  It’s whatever, I’ll just watch some Netflix, go to bed early and wake up early.  How hard can this really be?

Tuesday

Wow, I woke up later than I thought.  Now it’s the middle of the day and there is probably no space at the library.  But I can’t study at my apartment.  My roommate, and HRIM student, is playing PS4, how will I ever be able to study.  I don’t think it’s that bad, I can just study tomorrow.  That means I’ll have 144 hours to study right?  That’s almost the same amount of time as 168 hours.  Anyways, I made the plan for how long I am going to study for each subject so I should be set.  I promise myself, I will wake up early and go to the library for the rest of the day.

Wednesday

Wow, I finally found a spot at the library.  I’ve never been here before, where are the outlets, the Wi-Fi?  But before I really start, let me just see what my friends are doing.  I’ll just take 5 minutes to go through each social network and then get down to it . . . Well now I’ve spent an hour and a half on Facebook because everyone is posting Buzz Feed articles about finals week.  I still need to put a study playlist together too; can’t study without some motivating music right?  Plus, I have the rest of this week and the weekend to study.  I can just pull all-nighters and bum some Adderall off my roommate.  He also got a new bong from Cali I have to try that.  Just one rip then I can get some early sleep.  I already got like close to half my study guides done, that’s basically studying right?

Thursday

Ok, I am back in the library, but I am so lost.  How have I never been here before?  This place is like a labyrinth made by bookshelves.  Thankfully my roommate gave me an Adderall pill for $5, that’s not a rip off right?  I will just pop it and go through every chapter we went over that I never read.  (30 minutes after taking the pill)  Wow, I should really catch up with my buddies I made from summer camp in 2008.

Friday

So I made a little progress, but it’s fine if I just do all-nighters the rest of the time.  4 days is way more than enough time.  I mean I’ll just run on coffee and Monster until I am done.  But holy shit; there is so much to do!  I don’t even know where to start!  Is it too late to look for another career?  Studying is so boring; can’t we just write a paper?  Alright, I will just pull all-nighters, even if the library closes I will hide from security.

Saturday

will spend the rest of these 48 hours studying.  No more social media, but let me at least check up to see if my FedEx order shipped.

Sunday

How did I put all of this work off?  Oh, because I was fucking around that’s why.  Are there any jobs I don’t need a major for?  Hell yeah, it says online I can become a nuclear power plant manager and make 6 figures!  Who am I kidding; I guess I’ll just cram for my 8 AM final.  And if I walk in looking confident I might get some points?  FUCK I am so lost!  I’ll just cram until 8 AM, no sleep tonight.

I hope you all have fun studying!  Happy Finals!  Let the curve be ever in your favor!

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